For those of us in search of the truth of what it means to be human, an intimate relationship is the gold mine. In such a relationship the veins of reality run deep into the earth.
Somewhere hidden beneath the topsoil of out ‘personalities or egos or strategic selves, whatever we want to call them, lies the truth about ourselves. While we dig the earth of intimacy, turning over the familiar sods that we have so often done before, the hard rock of our being sits there, untilled and unmoved by our repetitive cultivation. Then we wonder why our crops are stunted and eventually wither away, most often leaving us still hungry.
We may then look for different seeds in the hope that another kind of food will grow for us and that this time we will be fulfilled. And all the while the bedrock sits there under the thin skim of earth, resisting all our attempts to make love grow.
So – what to do about all this? We need to journey into ourselves and uncover the stunted self and become familiar with the ways in which it insinuates itself into our lives and corrupts our relationships. In an intimate relationship everything we need to see is likely to make itself know. An intimate relationship is a gift for those in search of the truth about themselves. It will throw up:
- A longing to have those unmet needs met
- An exposure to the possibility of being disappointed yet again and a guardedness against this danger
- The impulse to do things the way we always have – that is to follow a pattern of behaviour that is designed to somehow compensate what we believe we lack or have too much of
All these impulses begin in the body as sensations before they ever manifest as actions. While we remain unaware of these feelings we will continue to act upon them in the way we always have and the outcomes will be predictably similar. The only way forward is to become familiar with these feelings as they happen. We can do this while in contact with the other as they are triggered and when on our own when our own imagination and stories about ourselves trigger those same feelings within.
This all takes practice and we all need help and guidance as we embark on this journey.
And this is the journey into the kind of relationship and the connection and intimacy that we all crave. We are here to help.